Guilty Again

One of the Christmas Pictures, dress is a bit big

- Ireland's snow suit and Lamby mittens

Dammit, sorry guys I know it's been too long, I just get so busy, no excuse I know you guys are all crazy busy too. So what has been going on. Today is Christmas eve and we're going up to Cedar Rapids to have our family Christmas tonight. Then tommorrow morning we'll be here to open presents with just Mom, Dad, Ashley and her boyfriend Nick. Ireland has SOOO many presents it's just ridiculous, I'm sure mommy will have to open most of them for her. She likes to rip the paper for a minute but that's about it. We have been having lots of adventures lately. The first time it snowed she put on her snowsuit and we played outside, she loved it, but of course she couldn't really move in the bulky suit. Lately though it has been way to cold to play outside. It's been awful here, when the high for the day is negative one you know you're screwed. I have got to get out of here, I can't take this weather anymore. Two more years, two more years (That's when I'm fully vested in my 401k) She's also been getting better going with her father, but she's still pretty wary of most guys. Me the queen of all procrastinators (I just started and finished my christmas shopping yesterday) got her pictures done to put on Christmas cards but did I ever actually get the cards made? Nope, I'm horrible. Next year hopefully. Katie I feel your pain on the ornament hunt this year, there just was not alot of selection, I loved the one I got her last year for her first Christmas, but this year Ireland and Tyler have the same ornament, cause seriously that's all there was, cute but not my favorite. I think I'm gonna have to start a theme or something like my parents did for us. I always got Angels and Ashley got horses. So we'll see what next year brings. I also wanted to get Ireland a stocking this year, but once again could not find one. So I'll have to start the search earlier next year. Luckily she's still to young to really appreciate those things. I am happy to report she has not used the vomit against me for quite some time. Our biggest problem now is that she likes to throw these pathetic little fits when she can't do what she wants, like for instance the "child proof" outlet covers. Child proof my ass she loves to rip those things out of the wall and play with them, so I remove her from the situation and try to distract her, my child has a one track mind so immediately tries to get back to it, if you block her way she throws a fit and screams at you, it's actually rather hilarious, but I don't want to encourage these things so I usually just try to distract her some more. Finally we ended up putting duct tape over the covered outlets, and that stopped that, honestly, my child amazes me the shit she thinks to get into. We are having a big problem with constipation right now and I really don't know why. I finally ended up having to get her suppositories and I think that's starting to work, but god I really didn't want to do that, poor baby. As for me I've just been working and working and playing with my baby of course. I've also started seeing this guy I've been friends with for a few years. Nothing serious but he makes me happy and we have fun together, when we get to see each other which is kind of hard because I have my daughter and he has a two year old son. Really who doesnt' have kids these days, it's the cool thing to do I guess. Well I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a better New Years than I'm gonna have. (I'll be at work of course) Happy Christmas Eve!

This Girl...

Is getting too big too fast, where did my baby go?

I love watching her explore and learn new things everyday, now she is..

A very picky eater, totally done with baby food, trying out the gerber graduates, but mostly she wants whatever we have.

Is totally on whole milk, now I just have to get her off the bottle,she likes sippy cups but not all the time, she kind of messes around with them and drinks it all over the course of a few hours, so when she's really grumpy and wants milk, she throws a fit until she gets a bottle, not sure what to do about this.

Has learned to blow kisses and loves to kiss the baby in the mirror, so freaking adorable I just melt every time.

Is very wary of pretty much all men (besides grandpa of course, he is her favorite person in the whole world) any other guy she won't go near.

Is walking and running and falling everywhere and has the war wounds to prove it. Her little bruises just break mommy's heart, but she could care less.

Likes to go bowling with me every Wed, but is not so big on hanging out with everyone else anymore.

Still uses vomit as a weapon. Also hits with hard objects in her hand, I firmly tell her no and take the object from her, but of course it never actually sinks in that that's bad.

And of course she owns my heart and soul, I love her more than I ever thought possible and can't wait to see what every new day brings.

Long weekend

So as I don't have a 'normal' job I obviously don't have a normal weekend. In the four years I've worked at the casino my days off have changed many times and right now they are Tues/Wed, which I like and works for me. So Monday, was the first official night that Chris picked up Ireland for his first weekend. So they got to Missouri around 10:30 and I got off work at 11:30 with nothing to do, no immediate responsibility, didn't have to go right to bed cause no one would be waking me up in the morning. It was bizarre and depressing, so I called my friend and we went to the bar for a few hours then back to his place and hung out, it was nice. Tuesday I had to pre-bowl, which I did with Shannon then left town around four to go down to Missouri. Now this will not be a regular occurance, me going down there when they are there, but I had planned it already and it seemed to work out, plus it was a good transition for me only having to be away from her for one night instead of two. So I got there around 8 and cuddled with Ireland, I was so glad to see her. Wed they left in the morning and that night was Ireland's birthday dinner and Grandma and Grandma Bailey's. Aunt Mary came over, Britney and Ryan, Ireland's great grandparents (Jeff's parents who are the same age as my parents) and Ireland's sisters Samantha and Maddy. It was a nice dinner and of course miss thing got spoiled again. She loved all her presents. Later Sam and Maddy's mom Emily came to pick them up and I finally got to meet her which was nice, she was very nice. Ireland slept like crap that night, up and down all night. The next day we went to Quincy to eat lunch with Brit and Ryan and then headed home. The whole time Ireland would only leave my side for the women in the family. She wanted nothing to do with Chris, Ryan, or Jeff and I don't know where this has come from. She loves my dad, even with all his facial hair and she loves most of my guy friends, but she would just scream and cling to me or Terry or Britney or Heather if any of them tried to take her. Hopefully she gets over this soon. I don't want her traumitized every time her dad picks her up, it breaks my heart and I know it hurts him too. Ryan and Jeff were sad too cause usually she loves them. Also we are having lots of problems with food and eating food. I can't tell if she is just getting to picky or if she just isn't hungry, it's usually the most I can do to get her to eat a few bites of anything before she starts refusing or throwing it on the floor. She's not sick or anything but it's really starting to worry me. Hopefully it's just a phase. An hour into the car ride home she gagged herself until she puked again, no matter how much I tried to stop her. So I had to pull over and clean that up, obviously this is mommy's new punishment whenever Ireland does not get her way. So yeah, it was a good weekend, but a long one and I am tired. I think I'll go take a nap before work. Ireland is in Applington with my dad, visiting my Grandma and Aunt's and Uncles. Back to the grind tonight.

And....we're walking

It's official, we are walking everywhere! Forget crawling, that is now for babies, we will walk or run or fall down all the time, but that will not stop us, we just get right back up. So yep, mommy is loving it. She started walking right before her birthday, but just a few steps here and there, but now it's all the time everywhere. Of course this means all new worlds of badness are open to us, she can reach much more and get into everything, but that's okay. She's getting some big teeth in and that with daylight savings time is messing her up. She wakes up in the middle of the night and has to be comforted and then sleeps in until 11! 11 am two mornings in a row, how wierd, but I'm not comlaining, I am one exhausted mommy all the time. This morning when I got off work at 1 am I just could not get to sleep, so finally around 3 I called Stu. (That's 9 am in England) It's been awhile since we talked and I was really missing him. It was great to catch up and he called again about 11 this morning cause we weren't done talking when I got tired at 4 in the morning. So that was really nice and put me in a great mood. When sleeping beauty finally decided to get up we just played and ate a little breakfast. I'm a little concerned about her lack of eating lately. I was going to be done with baby food, but she is getting pickier everyday and I just want to make sure she's getting the proper nutrition. So I think we'll keep mixing the baby food in with the big girl food, any suggestions would be much appreciated. Today is also ELECTION DAY!! Yay, I am so excited about this election, I alreay voted and if you know me at all you know I voted for Obama, things should be getting very interesting. We're going over to Jame's tonight for an election party, watching the election is like my sports center, I can' wait. I hope everyone voted it really does matter.

Lady Bugs

So with all this gorgeous weather comes the reemergence of all the damn lady bugs, japanese beetles, whatever they are they are everywhere! So of course they get into the house, who knows how, and my daughter seems to have made it her own personal misson to find each and every one. And then she brings them to me, dead or alive, squished or not, mommy gets loads of presents every day, which I supposse is better than her eating them, since she usually puts everything she finds in her mouth. I remember in college walking out of my history classes in Ross hall and the whole side of the building would be one big writhing mass of those damn things, disgusting, but oh well, I'll take the lady bugs if it means this fabulous indian summer, because we all know, I HATE IOWA IN THE WINTER! Yuck, I am so not looking forward to it.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and Ireland was so cute as a little kitten this year. Aunt Ashley bought her the costume for her birthday and it was so adorable. We went Trick or Treating with Chris, his girlfriend Heather and her son Zach, and her ex, Zach's dad Jeff. I know, a little wierd, but such is my life, and I just want my daughter to be happy. The kids had a great time and that's what counts. Then we went and saw Jessica, Hailey and Ava. Hailey was Hannah Montana and Ava was a fairy. So cute. Things have been going okay, back to work tommorrow night, probably gonna be a crazy night, Meadows is having a big halloween party with lots of money and prizes for the costume contest. I switched with Roxanne so I'm not going in til 6. We did the finger down our throat gag until we throw up, then laugh histerically about it again at breakfast this morning. So no more oatmeal for us, obviously she does not like it anymore. We don't want baby food now, just big girl food. We had pancakes the other day and loved those. Mommy's off to bed now, hopefully Ireland sleeps through the night cause she has some big old molars coming in and a very snotty nose. She also has mostly lost her voice, which is sad, but too cute. Goodnight

Trying to do the right thing

Today was the wonderful day of mediation, after six months of legal back and forth Chris and I finally sat down with our lawyers and figured things out. Here is what we decided. We have joint legal custody but I have primary physical custody and he has visitation. He gets her every other Monday night to Wed afternoon and every other Thursday over night in the off weeks. Do I really like this idea, no, but I really had no choice, I wanted it over and I did not want to spend months or years in court, I cannot afford that. This is going to be really hard for me because for a year I have done everything on my own and now I have to be away from her, actually away because he will be taking her to Missouri those weekends and what mom wants that, it's just not fair. But nothing ever is, is it? I asked him to come over after we got done so we could just talk about things. We were up in my room cleaning and when he tried to pick her up and hold her she threw a fit, squirming and crying. He said, "oh you're breaking my heart" and I think he actually meant it, it didn't make me happy in anyway, it was just sad. But what did he expect, she has no idea who he is. We're going to try to be friends, and leave the past behind us, but he has a bad attitude about it and says it probably won't work. If that's what he really thinks then he's right, it won't work. He needs to realize that and actually try, we'll see, I'm smart enough not to have any big hopes about it, I've been burned by him too many times to be that stupid. I just want what's best for my daughter, I want her to be happy and loved. So that was my day today, not too great, but alot better than it could have been I'm sure. Brianne came and took Ireland to a trick or treat thing with Brayden tonight and then she's spending the night, I'll go see her in a little bit. This is so hard. I wonder what it would be like to actually have a man who loves me and wants to be a family, my poor baby she deserves that much and I couldn't give it to her, it makes me feel like such a failure. I think I'm done writing for now, I'll try to update again soon.

Growing so fast

Ireland's birthday was a week and a half ago, on the 8th. I cannot believe my baby girl is one year old, and less of a baby every day. Her party was excellent, even though it did about bankrupt mommy, it was a great time. We had a bbq and bonfire at my house and lots of our friends and family came to celebrate. Her Aunt Britney and Uncle Ryan even drove up for a quick one night visit from Missouri so they could be there for her. She got so many presents it was ridiculous! And she had a great time ripping all the paper off, and she dug into her little cake. I'm still trying to get it out of all the cracks in her hi-chair. So a big huge thank you to all our friends and family and everyone who we love that was there for her big day. And yes her father did show up after much guilt tripping by his sister, me, and probably Heather too. For all it was worth he might as well have not been there, he sat on the couch for a couple hours, then sat out by the fire for a couple hours, didn't talk to me, didn't try to hold her or play with her. I wanted a picture of the three of us for her to have later and when I tried to give her to him to hold she threw the only screaming fit of the night, it was pretty much just sad. The whole situation with him usually just makes me very sad anymore. How it got so horribly wrong I don't know, but I don't really see it ever being fixed, which is so not fair to any of us, but life's not fair right. Anyway, my little boo is growing so fast and doing so many cute and funny and even naughty things. She's obsessed with the dog, who is not her biggest fan, she follows him around everywhere and grabs him and climbs on him. If you tell her to give him lovey she hugs him and cuddles him and it is so freaking cute. She takes steps, but no official walking yet. She hates having her diaper or clothes changed and besides me my dad is her favorite person in the world. She won't have anything to do with my mom after 9 at night because she knows Grandma's the one who puts her to bed. If mom even looks at her she makes a mean little face and runs away. Aunt Ashley got her a little leather chair for her birthday which she loves, if anyone else sits in it or puts their feet up on it she comes over and yells and pushes until you move out of her way. She climbs everything, stairs, the babygate, shelves, furniture, into the diswasher. If she can get a hold on it, she's there. She hates when I clip her fingernails and she bit the hell out of my arm the other day when I was trying to trim those little claws that will gouge your skin. She got mad when I was cleaning the kitchen and she was stuck in her high chair so she stuck her finger down her throat until she finally threw up. She's only ONE! I don't even know what to do about that, but she thought it was hilarious and was laughing forever, like ha-ha, screw you mom leaving me in here and not letting me climb in the dishwasher. I've done some research on it and I guess it's pretty common for kids to threaten their parents with this. But no matter what, we still have a great time, we play all day and we still love our baths and going bowling and anywhere with mommy. As for me, I'm still pretty much hating my job, but it's a good job that pays the bills (I have alot of bills, a year of raising a child by myself has put me in more debt than I ever thought possible) And hopefully work will get better, there's some big changes going on right now so we will see, and I do get more sleep getting off at midnight instead of two. October 28th is the big day for mediation with Chris and our lawyers, I'm sure that will not be emotionally traumatic at all. We shall see. I'll keep you guys posted. Gotta get ready for work now. Enjoy the pictures! Oh and exciting news, I'm going to be an aunt and Ireland will get a little cousin in may. My sister Ashley is expecting her first child with her boyfriend Nick. Yay little Asian baby! (Nick is Korean) I can't wait to have another baby in our family!

I promise I'll do better!

I know, I know, it's been like five months since I've updated this. I just got so busy and it was hard to keep up, but I got severly admonished this weekend at the Theta reunion, so here it is guys, and I promise to do much better. So where to start now. Tommorrow morning at 3:04 am Ireland will be ONE! I can't believe it! My little baby is a whole year old! Mommy is going to do some serious crying, but it will be happy crying too. She is such a wonderful gift to me. She has beautiful blonde curly hair now (finally!) and gorgeous blue eyes. Eight teeth so far and more on the way. She crawls like a little machine and she took her first steps a couple of weeks ago. Not officially walking yet but makes the effort alot, which is so cute. It also involves lots of falling down which leads to lots of bruises and bump, which make mommy sad, but are part of growing up. She just loves to play all day long with me and the puppy and Grandma and Grandpa. She has the best laugh, it's my favorite sound in the world. I'm still working at the casino, but I changed my hours to four to midnight instead of six to two. It's only two hours but it makes a world of difference to me. Ireland sleeps really well, she goes down between 10 and 11 and will sleep anywhere from 8 to 10, so I am no longer a zombie all day. Occasionally when her teeth are bothering her she gets up in the middle of the night, but not too often. Kati, I gotta tell you, I think Tyler getting sick was our fault because when we got home Saturday there was a lot of puking and diarehha. And then she passed it on, taking us all out one by one. I lost 9 pounds in two days, it was horrible, but thankfully it's over now. So we're really sorry about that, and we're really glad you're okay after your nightmare on the interstate. But we had such a blast at the Theata reunion! It was so good to see everyone and meet all the babies. What a great day, so a huge thanks to Kim Higgins for getting that all together, I can't imagine the work it took. So, elsewhere in our lives, there is still all the lawyer stuff with Chris, which is moving along at a snails pace, like most legal things do. So far it's been filling out financial statements and drafting up what we both want. We're suppossed to be having mediation, who knows when that will be though. I just got some more paperwork from his lawyer which is a draft of everything he wants and it is absoutley rididculous, he must be out of his mind, I can't even write it in here because it makes me so crazy. He hasn't seen her for going on FIVE months now,and he thinks he's just going to demand what he wants from me! You've got to be kidding, the thought of him makes me sick. Suppossedly he's coming to her birthday party tommorrow, but we will see. If he does it will just be to put on a good face for all our friends who will be there. And he has the nerve to tell people I won't let him see her! PLEASE! Even after everything he has done to me and not done for her I have NEVER stopped him from seeing her whenever he wanted, but he doesn't. I try so hard not to let my pride stand in the way of what is best for my daughter, I wish he would do the same, but it's to the point where I'm pretty sure he'll never be what's best for her, he's pretty much just a sperm donor. His girlfriend e-mailed me and told me she was getting Ireland a pink princess couch for her birthday, and asking me if she needed anything else. Are you fing kidding me? I just didn't write back because if I had I would have said yes, she needs an fing father, and a years worth of diapers and formula, and clothes, and oh yeah, Love! God, okay, sorry for that rant. So tommorrow is the big party. I have a lot to do to get ready, and a stupid supervisor meeting at work today, so I gotta run, but I promise you'll be hearing alot more from us!

Bartlemay

Bartlemay, is the name of my lawyer. He is fabulous, I had a long conversation with him yesterday when I got my papers that Chris served me with and he is excellent. He made me feel much better and more in control, I'm meeting with him tommorrow. Let me tell you getting served with papers just made my day, especially when my name was spelled wrong in all of them and the best part, he didn't even get his daughter's birthday right. Not even close, 6 days off. Pretty sure he's gonna have to re-file, more money for him to pay. Honestly, what a douche bag. Ireland slept really well last night, she went to bed around 9:30 and didn't get up until 8 today, she always wakes up so happy, and the look on her face when I walk into her room is just priceless, it's like, 'there you are mommy, I'm so glad to see you." She is so freaking cute I can't even get over it. We're going bowling today, some people at work started a league and asked me to join when someone else quit, and it's really fun. Ireland loves going there and everyone plays with her. For someone who can't even crawl yet she sure gets around. Yesterday I walked into the kitchen for like 30 seconds and when I got back she had made her way to the DVD player, opened it and was waving the DVD around like it was a great new toy. She's hilarious. Today is my Friday, which is nice, but I only get one day off because I have to work mandatory OT on Friday, so not so nice. But I took Wednesday off next week so Ireland and I can go to Missouri and visit her other Grandma and Grandpa. They are so wonderful to us, and they love Ireland so much which I'm very grateful for. They actually act like they care instead of just talking about it like her father does. I found out the other day that he was talking about moving to Wisconsin to work at another casino. I doubt he'll actually do it, but it would be great if he did. I honestly don't know why he's trying to waste all this money on lawyers when eventually he's just going to leave like he did with his other daughters who still live in Missouri. Whatever, someday he'll realize what a total mess he's made of his life, too bad it will be too late. Time for our bath, someone is very stinky today!

Welcome to us

So I love reading my friends blogs and I've decided to start one of my own. My darling daughter has just passed out while playing with her millions of toys on the floor, so this is the perfect opportunitiy. She is seven months old now and the best baby ever. She's so happy and it's so much fun to watch her discover new things every day. She just got her first two teeth at the same time, and she's doing pretty well with them. I highly reccomend the teething tablets that disolve in their mouths, she loves them and they help her alot. She's a good sleeper, she'll go down around 9 0r 10 and sleep til 6 or 7, which is great for my mom who watches her for me while I'm at work. However I don't get off work until 2 am, so my sleep is pretty non-exsistant. You just get used to feeling like a zombie after awhile, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, I love spending my days with her, and I can't imagine missing out on any of the things she does. Her father, who currently lives across the street from us and works 8 hours a night with me, has not seen her for almost 2 months, needless to say, this disgusts me, and I'm about done with his lame-ass bullshit. I try to do what's best for Ireland, but is he really what's best for her? Especially since he decides to send me a text message a week and a half ago telling me I'm going to be served with papers and child support (which I have never yet gotten) is suspended until a PATERNITY test is done. Are you kidding me, honestly just when I thought I was immune to his bullshit, he finds a new way to rip my heart open. Then he lies to me (yet again) and tries to say he didn't ask for it, it's part of the 'procedure'. Bull shit, I know the procedure, and he signed her birth certificate at the hospital when she was born. So obviously my tax refund will be going to hire a lawyer, and hopefully soon I will be done with this bullshit once and for all. We'll see what happens, I still have yet to be served, I don't know how long that's suppossed to take. So yep, that's my life these days, I'm deliriously happy with my beautiful daughter, and my wonderful family and great friends. I have a good job and I usually enjoy it. Ireland and I have a crazy life, but it's our life, and so far we're loving it.